Charlotte and Alec’s Daddy was a very polite and very quiet man most of the time.
He ate quietly, he spoke quite quietly, he even laughed quietly.
But when he’d eaten too much pumpkin, he would SNORE very loudly indeed! The floor would shake, and the walls would shake, and the neighbors dogs would howl through the night.
Charlotte and Alec didn’t get any sleep, their mummy didn’t get any sleep, the whole neighborhood didn't get any sleep!
So, why didn't their daddy eat a little less pumpkin? Well that was the problem. You see, he LOVED pumpkin. He loved pumpkin pie, of course, but he also put pumpkin in his breakfast cereal, and he put pumpkin in the sandwiches he took to work, and he even put a stick of pumpkin in his coffee!
Charlotte and Alec’s daddy probably liked pumpkin more than anyone in the world. And because of that, he snored louder than anyone in the world.
Doctor Sycamore couldn’t understand it. Pumpkins shouldn’t make you snore, they were very good for you, they should make you healthy and happy. But not snore. Still, everybody was a little bit different, and that was okay. If pumpkins make Charlotte and Alec’s daddy snore, well, that’s just the way he was.
But knowing there was nothing wrong with Daddy didn’t help when you were being shaken out of bed in the middle of the night by the huge waves of noise coming from his bedroom.
One day, Alec had an idea. He said to Charlotte, “you know how we’re always trying to get daddy to eat less pumpkin? Well, maybe we should try and get him to eat MORE?”
“More?” said Charlotte.
“Well it can’t get any worse, right?”
“…Right,” she said.
“So if it can't get worse, then maybe if he has lots and lots and lots more it will just… stop.”
Charlotte looked at her brother. She wasn’t sure that made any sense, but Alec had a habit of saying things that didn’t SOUND right at the time, but seemed to make sense in the end.
So the next day, Charlotte and Alec attempted to get their daddy to eat as much pumpkin as possible.
At breakfast: “More pumpkin in your coffee, Daddy?” and “Here, I’ve made you pumpkin on toast.”
At lunch time: “I thought the lentil soup looked a bit smelly so I’ve brought you this pumpkin soup, instead!”
For snacks: “A stick of pumpkin, Daddy?”
For dinner: “I thought instead of your normal meal you’d like to try… this enormous pumpkin?”
Well their Daddy loved it! He loved being so well looked after, and of course he loved all the pumpkin.
So that night, when Charlotte and Alec were tucked up in their bunk beds, they waited to hear the TV go off downstairs, and for mummy and daddy to come up to bed.
They heard Daddy brush his teeth and the door close on their room, and then they held their breath and waited…
NOTHING HAPPENED! It was silence… They’d done it! Alec’s plan had worked!
And then it began! Worse than ever before!
Car alarms were going off on the street outside, people ran out of their houses covering their ears!
It was like an earthquake.
“Quick, get on the floor!” shouted Charlotte over the din.
Alec looked at their bunk beds. The screws were coming loose with the noise - it was starting to fall apart!
He joined Charlotte on the floor and cowered. But then a huge crack began to open up along the length of their bedroom carpet and before they could escape they both fell down the gap!
With their eyes screwed shut, further and further they fell, far deeper than where the downstairs of their house should be, further and further into a chasm that seemed to go on forever.
Charlotte opened one eye and saw that they were falling through a strange new world.
“Alec,” she muttered.
Her brother opened his eyes and saw the same: A world of grey and red, where buildings were huge plastic horns, and the sky was a fuzzy layer of felt.
The ground was fast approaching and they landed not with a crash, but with a bounce. Even the streets here were spongy, like big pads of rubber.
And all around, the huge echo of a deepest noises you’d ever heard.
“Hello,” said a voice.
Charlotte and Alec stood and saw that they were being spoken to by a very strange looking boy indeed. His ears went out in spirals, his nose was a trumpet, his mouth was a big round speaker, a bit like the speaker in mummy and daddy’s car, but his eyes were kind.
“I’m Snoz. What brings you to the Snore Kingdom?”
“The - Um…” began Charlotte, a little confused. “Oh. Well. Our Daddy had too much pumpkin and he began to snore a bit louder than normal, and our house fell down,” she concluded.
“Your house didn’t fall down!” laughed Snoz. “Your daddy just opened up a gateway to the Snore Kingdom. And congratulations to him for it. He’s got a magnificent set of pipes on him.”
“Thanks, I’ll tell him,” said Alec.
“Oh yes,” said Snoz, beginning to walk and beckoning for the new arrivals to join him, “you see if it wasn't for snorers like your daddy,”
“And sometimes mummy!” said Alec.
“Shhh,” said Charlotte.
“Indeed. If it wasn’t for snorers like your mummy and daddy, then we wouldn’t exist. You see this whole Snore Kingdom, all of our lovely reverberating mountains and honking buildings and moving pavements, they are all powered by the good snorers of the world above.”
Charlotte looked at the pavement. She realized that they weren’t walking at all, but the ground was shaking so much that it was just carrying them along.
“The most important thing you can do,” said Snoz. “Is make sure that Champion snorers like your daddy continue to fuel our world. Can you promise me that?”
“Oh yes,” said Charlotte. “But if we do, can we come back and visit?”
“Oh! We’d be honored!” said Snoz. “And hopefully we can teach you how to snore as well as your daddy. Besides, there’s a whole world for you to explore here. There’s adventure piled up on top of adventure in these parts.”
“I bet there is,” said Charlotte, “but maybe next time we’ll bring some ear plugs.”
“Whatever you like!” nodded Snoz. “Now, to get home it’s simple. You need to bounce in time to the snores.”
Charlotte and Alec listened to all the world’s biggest snorers, and when they breathed in - they jumped, and when they breathed out - they bounced. When they breathed in - they jumped. And when they breathed out - they bounced.
Higher and higher! When they breathed in - they jumped. When they breathed out - they bounced.
Higher and higher still until they were flying upwards.
“That’s it!” said Snoz. “You’ve got it! Keep going!”
“Bye!” shouted Alec.
“See you soon, Snoz” shouted Charlotte, as they both concentrated on their bouncing. Higher and higher they went until they approached a crack up in the sky - flew through it - and landed back in their bedroom.
As they got their breath back, they heard daddy stop snoring, and noticed the car alarms had stopped, and saw people going wearily back into their houses, and then saw the crack on the floor mend itself until the floor was perfect again.
As they got into bed, they thought about Snoz and the brilliantly strange world that they’d just visited.
“I’d like to go back there again soon,” said Alec.
“Well we’re going to need a lot more pumpkin,” laughed Charlotte.
Alec nodded.
“A lot more,” he agreed.
