Four times a year, Lord and Lady Devonroe host a feast in Castle Earnose that all the children in Horsmarlonerpool are invited to. There were three feasts at the beginning of the three school holidays, and a fourth big special feast at Christmas.
Well, this being the start of the summer holiday, everyone got an invitation through the post with a big bright sun on it that said to be at the Grand Hall of Castle Earnose at 2 O’Clock on Tuesday afternoon.
Lord and Lady Devonroe, or Lord and Lady D as everyone called them, were the best hosts you could ask for. You didn’t need to hope that your favorite food might be at the feast, because the chefs in the kitchen deep underground would make lots of everything. And you didn’t have to eat anything in order, either; you could eat anything at any time. So if you wanted to start with jelly and ice cream, well that’s what you started with. And if you wanted smashberry jam sandwiches, or blackcurrant sandwiches because they were Lord and Lady Devonroe’s favorite, and then a pie, and then milkshakes, and then custard tarts - well that was exactly what you’d have.
Now how did all this food get made? Well, right down in the huge kitchens that ran all the way underneath the castle, the huge plates were put in a special food lift. It went up - past the cellars above - and higher still until a bell rang and the lift door opened in the grand hall and Lord and Lady D themselves would unload it and carry it over to the huge wooden tables.
But today, something wasn’t right. The chefs were loading the food onto the special lift down at the kitchen and sending it up, but when the bell rang and the lift door opened in the grand hall - it was empty…
What could be happening? Where could the food be going?
Well let’s see. The food went in at the kitchens, the door was shut, it goes up, past the cellars, and then when the door opens in the grand hall - it was gone.
Something must be getting it along the way.
And sure enough, in the cellars above the kitchens were the only two really naughty and bad people in town. Pebbles and Crater.
Every time the lift was sent up from the kitchens they’d stop it half way at the cellars, take out the food and put it onto their cart, and then send the lift on up all empty.
They were stealing the food for the feast!
Soon, the cooks in the kitchen had sent everything they’d made up in the lift, and ALL of it had been put onto Pebble’s and Carter’s cart before it could reach the grand hall. Laughing to themselves, the two villains wheeled their heavy cart, piled high with delicious treats, down a dark passage that led to the dungeons. From there, they could push and pull it all the way to their secret entrance on the far side of town and have the entire feast for themselves.
Now, having a rest in his home under the twisty bridge was my friend Lionel, the friendly troll. His eyes were closed, and his big old head was resting comfortably on a rock. But then, his nose twitched. He could smell something. Something wonderful. His huge grey eyes opened and he looked towards the old door that led from under the twisty bridge and into the dungeons.
Now the two things trolls like most are sleep and food, so Lionel was perfectly happy to wake up and follow his nose through the old door and into the dungeons. He didn’t need a map, or a torch in the dark, dank passages, the smell of cakes and jelly led him onwards, and onwards further.
Pebbles and Crater were cackling away to themselves as they rolled their cart in the other direction towards their secret entrance.
“This food will last us weeks!” laughed Pebbles.
“And I’m going to have custard tarts for breakfast every single day,” agreed Crater. But then they heard something… and stopped.
“What was that?” Crater asked Pebbles.
They both listened. There were big, heavy footsteps coming down the passage that they’d just rolled the cart along. They gripped each other in fear.
“You told me there weren’t any monsters in these dungeons…” trembled Pebbles.
“There aren’t, it’s impossible it’s — ARRRGGGH!”
The huge figure of Lionel crunched up the passageway and stood before them. He looked at the two crooks and their cart piled high with all the meals for the feast.
“That isn’t your food…” said Lionel.
“It… It is…” said Pebbles. “All ours.”
Lionel thought. He knew that today was a special day up in the castle.
“That’s the children’s feast food,” said Lionel. “That’s Lord and Lady D’s treat food.”
Well in the Grand Hall, everyone was feeling very hungry, and Lord and Lady Devonroe were quite upset. “I just don’t understand it,” said Lady Devonroe. “I’m so sorry to you all, children, but it looks as if the feast is… cancelled.”
Just then, the two huge doors to the great hall crashed open and Lionel stood there, Pebbles and Crater struggling under one of his huge arms, and the cart of food being pulled in the other.
“I thought you might want this food returning,” said Lionel, bowing his head.
“Seems these two wanted it away for themselves.”
Lord and Lady D clapped their hands in amazement and quickly slid all the food down the two long tables as everyone cheered.
“Does that window open okay, your Highnessship?” Lionel asked Lady Devonroe.
“The window? Yes, I believe it…”
“Right.”
Lionel went over to the window, opened it, and dropped Pebbles and Crater out into the open air where they fell down the grassy slope and landed face first in a disgusting and smelly pile of mud.
Everyone in the Great Hall cheered again, and Lord and Lady Devonroe looked at each other in astonishment.
“I Didn’t think you’d have invited them, so best they left,” said Lionel.
“Well, this is astonishing!” said Lord Devonroe. “We’ve never had thieves in this castle for many a long year, and as soon as we do - you caught them, Lionel. My wife and I are so very grateful. I propose that we offer you a position here at the castle. Chief Guard.”
Everyone on each table cheered and banged their glasses on the wooden tables whilst chanting Lionel’s name.
But Lionel, once he’d realised what Lord Devonroe was suggesting, just bowed his head sorrowfully.
“I cannot accept your prize,” he said, tears beginning to form in his eyes.
Everyone went silent.
“But why ever not?” Asked Lady Devonroe.
Well, see, I didn’t go into the dungeons to catch those two. I went in because I smelt food. I was just looking out for my greedy old self. I wanted it as much as they did.”
Lord Devonroe smiled and stepped forward to put his hand on Lionel’s arm.
“You were acting on instinct, like any good soldier,” he told Lionel. “And what did you do with the food? You returned it, which makes you an honest one. And what did you do with the thieves? You apprehended them, which makes you a brave one, too. I cannot think of better qualities in a guard. That is, if you’d do us the honor?”
So that afternoon Lionel took his place next to Lord and Lady Devonroe and enjoyed the feast with all their guests. He was the happiest troll in the world, and one with a very important new job.
